so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
