He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
