K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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