i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
