garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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