I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
