I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
