I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
