I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
