mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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