all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
