I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
