I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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