and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
