Already got asked if we're dating
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
