You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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