You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
