Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
