I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
