And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
