I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
