Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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