Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
