You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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