so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
now i know why i became what i already was.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
