Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
