Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
