We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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