I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
