Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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