dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
