Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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