Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
