There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
