i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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