how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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