I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
