A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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