Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
