I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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