We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
