your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You were trust falling into bushes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
