Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im part way to drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
