drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
