Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I believe in your delicious
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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