I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
