All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
