were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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