There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
