I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
