I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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