When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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