Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
