K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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