As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's blow job season.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
