I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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